I heard it said that your wedding day is the best day of your life. But marriage is exquisite. It balances the whimsical nature of fairytale desire with faithfulness, forgiveness and grace. There is, quite simply, nothing like it.
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Our wedding was calm and bucolic and lovely, but it was not the best day of my life, and I am not unhappy about this. My husband and I were extraordinarily blessed to begin our marriage surrounded by dear friends and family; many of whom flew far distances to celebrate with us. We were greatly blessed by my family in Scotland, who helped to organise the wedding. Their generosity was like the white orchid in my silver wedding basket – fully bloomed and beautifully displayed. We felt the deeply loved by our friends and family.
Walking down the aisle toward my soon-to-be husband on my wedding day felt like walking through the doorway of a home we had been building for a long time. The wedding day felt like an entrance into a life where our deep, genuine love would be on further display every day.
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The Bible uses marriage as a metaphor to describe the relationship between God and His people, the church. Ephesians 5:22-27 instructs husbands and wives on how to better reflect God's covenantal love through their own. Husbands are given the responsibility to "love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendour, and that she might be made holy and walk without blemish." Likewise, wives are told to submit to their husbands as a reflection of the church in its trust, obedience and submission to God. In the book of Mark, Jesus refers to himself as "the bridegroom (Mark 2:18-20); in Revelation, the church is described as a "beautiful bride fully dressed for her husband." These verses demonstrate the connection between marriage and Godly covenant.
To quote the late great theologian Tim Keller: "To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God."
Marriage has the potential to be reflect God’s love by giving us the intimate experience of being fully known and fully loved. This intimacy, however, comes at a cost. Husbands and wives must be willing to lay down their pride because it the potential to prevent deep and loving connections in its rejection of humility.
Pride creates ever-increasing dysfunction but mutual submission leads to relational health. This is why scripture reminds believers to walk in humility (Ephesians 4:2). "Be completely humble and gentle," writes the apostle Paul in his letter to the Ephesians. Again, in his letter to the Colossians Paul writes: "As God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience."
Humility is a core component to our relationship with God (Micah 6:8). The apostle James writes: "Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up." To be lifted up is akin to being fully known and fully loved in that the action reflects a decision made on the lover's part. The lover chooses to lift the one they love up by taking time to know who they are, all layers revealed.
To be lifted by the deep love of a spouse, we must willingly open our heart so that it can be seen. Because we are human it is inevitable that our spouse will see things that are good and things that are not good when they look into the heart.
Tim Keller describes the Christian vision of marriage as beholding God's goodness and grace at work in one's spouse: To look at another person and get a glimpse of what God is creating, and to say, "I see who God is making you, and it excites me! I want to be part of that. I want to be partner with you and God in the journey you are taking to his throne. And when we get there I will look at your magnificence and say, 'I always knew you could be like this. I got glimpses of it on earth, but now look at you!"
We allow the deep love of our spouse to guide us toward the deeper love of God when we humble ourselves to be seen in totality and receive the correction and care that comes from their love. This is a crucial step in making space in our heart for God's goodness to strengthen what that is good and remove what is not so that we can better reflect and receive His love in the way we love and are loved by others.
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Marriage is a like home because it must be built. It is a collaboration between two people who chose to open their hearts to one another, that their love may be carefully architectured into a space where both can freely express themselves and feel connected even in change.
Throughout scripture Christians are commanded to love God with the heart, to trust God with the heart and to follow God with the heart. This is significant because home is where we place our heart. I gave my heart to Joshua forever on the wedding day because I want to build a home with him – a home where God's spirit helps us architecture our confidence in Him and in one another. Giving my heart to Joshua reminded me of the day I first gave my heart to God.
I was six years old when I gave my heart to God. It was on the beach at a Luis Palace festival in South Florida. A speaker on stage finished sharing the Gospel and, although my parents had read the Bible to me many times, it was this moment that I raised my hand, so small in that crowd, for someone to pray with me. I wanted to experience God's deep love, and to be part of the community of people who deeply loved one another as a reflection of His love. That morning was like a wedding day because I entered into a covenantal relationship with God. But like a book, the wedding day is only the hook of a grandeur story that unfolds with time. We cannot fully know God on earth the way we will in heaven, but my relationship with Him has matured over time; and our times together – in daily life – are more precious than words will express.
Like my relationship with God, my relationship with Joshua is more fulfilling every day. This is why I would say that my wedding day was not "the best day of my life" but the doorway into a relationship where every day is better than the last.
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